Light a Candle Today for Golnaz

February 17, 2010

Once again, I have been terrible at keeping up at this blog thing. Between working about 10 hours a day, commuting for 3 hours a day, and working out for another 2-3 hours a day, I'm left with little time to write. On tuesdays and thursdays I literally leave my house before 6am and get home after 10pm... I literally come home, eat a snack, jump in bed, read a page or two from whatever book I'm reading, and then it's time for bed.

But, I will now make time for this blog. It's my resolution for Lent that has begun today. Okay, if you know me, you know that I am completely not religious at ALL, but I love doing something for Lent. I usually give something up, but this time I want to add something. That something will be to write in this blog everyday, no matter how short it may be. I also do want to give up all my sweets that I eat and I was contemplating giving up dairy (that lasted till 8:30am this morning hahaha!)

Training has actually been going well lately. I've been more motivated than I thought I would be and I really haven't gotten too burnt out. I've got a good routine down and I do try to not overwork myself. I work hard on Tuesday and Wednesday, do lighter things on thursdays and fridays, and then gear up and go hard on the weekends. Monday is a much needed rest day. (this can cause a sunday funday-- work hard play hard is my motto).

I think reflecting on workouts will really make me tune into this whole ironman thing I'm supposed to do. I still wonder why I'm putting myself through all this, but then little things here and there always remind me of why I'm doing it--

I had swim practice tonight with South Bay team. It was a good workout and tough because an extremely fast swimmer pushed me to go harder (he swam for college-- you gotta give me at least some credit for trying to keep up!). I've realized now that I've probably gone to more South Bay (SB) practices than my real SF team, up in North Bay. I practice with SB more because it's closer to work and they are more than kind enough to let me join their practices. I still love love love SF team, but everyday I'm making more and more friends down here. Anyway, to the point of the story... so, the swim was good, but the most important part of the swim came afterwards...

As I was leaving the pool, one of the SB Honorees (the people on our team that have gone through Leukemia and are our "honored teammates" to remind us of why we're doing what we're doing, for the cause) told me to take a candle. She told me to light it once everyday and once I light it, to think about not only the honorees on the team, but all people battling through a cancer. She told me that when the practices get hard and when your body is aching and yelling at you, just think of how hard it is every single second a person has to get chemo. They have to fight just to be normal.

This hit me deep inside because it what I think about on those long hard days. Thoughts of my friend Golnaz going through chemo pushes me further than I thought possible. I saw her pain while she went through it. She would have countless sleepless nights because the morphin wasn't strong enough to take away her pain. I was with her that first day in the hospital when she was diagnosed. She had to get a bone marrow procedure and seeing her face with the pain she went through brings me to tears everyday. What I'm doing is little compared to how strong she was through everything and how much she fought. I ran a 1/2 marathon on February 7th-- I actually felt pretty good during it and even surprised myself with how well I did for not really training specifically for it. But, of course, my body started aching. My hips were dying around mile 12-13. When my hips were aching, I forgot to keep something in perspective... I only thought about my pain and not why I was actually doing this. It dawned on me afterwards when I was completely free of pain within an hour, what Golnaz still goes through. She's 25 and is scheduled for a double hip replacement because the steroids she had to take completely destroyed her bones. She has to walk around with crutches all day long and can barely sit down for more than an hour at a time because fire burns her brittle bones.

I guarantee that she desperately wishes her hips would only ache for an hour.


And by the way... the most amazing news of the month-- after 3 years of chemo, Golnaz finally had her last chemo treatment on February 5th!!! The fight is long from over, but at least she will be free from the poison :) I will light a candle tonight and think about Golnaz and why I'm doing what I'm dong.